Rejection

 "The need for volunteers is great, but we don't want you."

It's not an exact quote, but it's close enough.

The calling seemed clear. Hasn't my heart been aching to help foster children in our community? The need was communicated clearly in the interest meeting I attended over eight months ago. Over 300 children alone in Guilford County need representation in court. Children are hurting. Adults are needed to step into the gap.

It seemed so obvious for me to be a voice for a vulnerable, underserved population.

I didn't just step- I leaped. I dove headfirst. 

But no.

Weeks after my interview I received an email with a clear message. I was not wanted. 

Devastation hit me and rejection felt like a gut punch.

"I thought you wanted me for this, Lord." My thoughts raced. "Wasn't I qualified? Wasn't I enough? Those kids. God, those children need someone. I thought you wanted me to do this."

I wept. 

"It is a highly needed volunteer position and they don't want me." Clearly I missed something.

Then a thought stopped me. "That was Christ."

In our broken humanity, God saw our depravity. He saw our complete inability to remedy our eternal separation from him. His plan was and always is Christ. 

Christ stepped out of heaven and into our muck of a world. A world full of brokenness, sorrow, hate, guilt and longing for more- for a savior from ourselves. He volunteered knowing the end would mean rejection. He knew all along what he would encounter at the cross and he did it anyway.

I felt called to be an advocate for a child in court. Jesus takes it a step further. 

He is more than our advocate. He offers to take on the punishment we deserve. He gives us hope and life. Christ has plans for us- plans he knew before we took our first breath. He says we become a new creation in him when we choose him and place our faith in him. When we repent of our sin, our old life is passed way and we become new. We can rest in his promise that he is more than our advocate. He is our payment.

"Everyday he is still rejected. It wasn't just at the cross." 

The gut punch of rejection I felt? It was checked.

Jesus volunteered and is rejected everyday by millions of people with eternity at stake. I was broken deeper for his love for us- for me. The rejection I felt compares nothing to what he feels over and over again as people choose their way over him.

There are no feelings I have, including rejection, that have not been felt by the Creator of the world. So, I hand him my rejection and find rest. 

The Original Sin and a Reflection on Abortion

People say that Eve was the first to sin. She ate of the forbidden fruit of which God told Adam and Eve to abstain.

But other scholars say it wasn't Eve who was the first to sin. Rather, it was Adam. See, Adam had been put in charge of the garden before Eve came into the picture. He was to work it and take care of it (Genesis 2:15). Then God created a "suitable helper" (v. 18) in Eve by creating her from the flesh and side of Adam.

When the serpent approached Eve he enticed her with the fruit and a promise that if she ate of it "you will be like God" (Genesis 3:5). Adam was right there. The Bible says, after she ate of it, Eve "gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it" (v. 6). He was beside her and did nothing to stand between Eve and the serpent. He was silent when she ate of the apple. He knew that death was the result and he was passive in the moment.  He should have stood up for Eve and taken care of her.

Death entered the garden.

Adam and Eve's eyes were opened to sin and they hid from God. When God asked why they were hiding they answered they were "afraid" (v.10). It seems like they were also ashamed since they were covering their once naked bodies with leaves.

Then, more sin happened: the blame game began. God seeing (and knowing why) they were hiding asked if they had eaten from the forbidden fruit. Adam doesn't own his sin; instead, he shifts the blame TO God! Adam answered God, "The woman YOU put here- she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate it" (v.12). It seems audacious for Adam to blame God for something he got himself into, but don't we as humans do that all the time?

Eve, not to be outdone, also tried shifting the blame to the serpent, "the serpent deceived me and I ate." Neither Adam nor Eve accepted their roles in the sin and death they had brought into the garden. They blamed God and something outside of themselves even though they knew their actions would have consequences.

It's here we can shift gears and think about abortion. When one examines the original sin and abortion, the parallels are striking.

As a society we are quick to blame the woman first when it comes to abortions just as we like to pick on Eve when it comes to the first sin. But let's back up a bit, because before there was a pregnant woman there was a man who should have protected and cared for her. There was a man who impregnated her and, whether it was an act of love or one of force, it began with a man.

Now we have a woman who is pregnant and afraid, much like Eve was after her eyes were open to her sin (Genesis 3:7). The man who impregnated her may be supportive and want their child, but perhaps the woman is too overcome with fear. Does the man affirm her, protect and support her? Or does he stand there in his silence? Does he watch her sin and slink into the shadow as she invites death upon them?

As women face the choice of abortion where are the men? 

Facing an abortion is much like Eve facing the temptation of the fruit. She was promised she would "be like God" and it's true when it comes to abortion. Modern "Eves" (aka women) play god. They know death is the consequence, just as Eve knew in the garden, yet they blame the circumstances, are tempted by the power and are selfish in their motives. They liken themselves to God and let death enter the womb, which is a sacred garden in itself.

So we see how much abortion reflects the original sin. We keep doing it, shifting blame and denying our part. But why?

We see in the Garden of Eden that God took pity on Adam and Eve. Yes, there were consequences for their sin, but God still loved them. He shed innocent blood to cover their guilty bodies. And He does so for us too. If we accept our part of the death we have invited, He wants to cover us as well. Christ lived a perfect life, died a brutal way and overcame death because He loves us and wants to save us. We just have to do our part to start the healing. We have to own up to our failures. We have to lean on him.

We have to redefine what abortion is and recognize it for what it is. It's not a "choice." Abortion is "death." Abortion is an extension of what happened in the Garden. It's the ultimate parallel to the original sin: Man sinned; woman sinned. Man blamed another; woman blamed another. God loved; God covered.

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Note from the author: One in four women will have an abortion by the age of 45. If you have had an abortion, there is healing and support available. A great place to start would be your local Pregnancy Care Center or find a Christian counselor who can point you to some Biblical resources. Let God cover you like He wants.

California Woman Supported for Death of 8-Month Old

A peak into our future?

Published January 25, 2036
(The Future Herald)-- Bridgette Gaffee and Byron Jessup, both of Dale City, Ca, have been found not guilty of the death and dismemberment of Gaffee's eight month old son. Gaffee, with the help of Jessup, her neighbor and a local doctor, cut up her son and placed him in a trash bag beside her curb. His body was discovered by Republic Services when they were doing their weekly pickup at Gaffee's address.

"Bridgette came to me a couple weeks ago and said that Kody (her son) was too much of a burden and wasn't developed enough for her to continue to care for him. She let me know he was also interfering with her dream to go back to school. I went to her house to observe him. Kody was completely dependent on her, could only really suck his thumb and was doing nothing to care for himself. He couldn't even roll over yet! I completely agreed with Bridgette. He was a burden and since he is a minor under her care I knew she was making the best decision for her family."

Police weren't too shocked this happened in Dale City, which is outside of San Fransisco, Ca.

Chief of Police, Justin Roberts, told the Press, "In California, we have laws that let parents do what they feel is best for their family planning as long as their child is still a minor. Once a person has reached 18, they are closer to complete mental development and can be less of a burden on society. We are disappointed this happened, but nothing in our jurisdiction allows us to prosecute Ms. Gaffee more than we have. Upon her release from house arrest this morning, we have put her in touch with some local schools that will hopefully accept her into their programs. We are hoping through more education Ms. Gaffee will choose a different path for her 13 and 15 year old. We realize they aren't fully developed humans either so it's still a "wait and see" case for them."

In the interrogation with police, Gaffee admitted to suffocating Kody before she dismembered his body. "I knew that cutting him into pieces would probably inflict more suffering so I suffocated him first until his heart stopped." Supporters of Gaffee are commending her for taking the steps that she did to ensure Kody's suffering was minimal.

A spokesperson for Gaffee's family, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of public outcry, said she is sad the family didn't support Gaffee more when she asked for help. "We knew Bridgette was in a bad place, but we figured surely Kody's sweet face would be enough to protect him. He was a precious baby. We are heartbroken. I wish we could go back to a time before the FPA was passed."

In 2035, California passed the "Family Planning Act" (FPA) that has been called controversial by some states. In short, FPA removes the burden from the state to help decide care for minors and places the sole decision of family planning on the parents of minors. Anyone under 18 in California is considered a minor. Parents can "expire" any minor in their home as long as reasons meet the following criteria under the law: "A) minor is a financial burden, B) minor is physically or developmentally delayed, C) parent no longer wants to be a parent, D) minor was conceived in a location not ideal, and/or E) Other." Californians originally had pause for the "Other" clause, but when lawmakers assured them that it's really no one's business except the parents why a minor should be expired it made enough sense for the law to pass.

Many lawmakers celebrated the law passing because it meant less financial burden on the state. "We all know most minors don't work or pay into state taxes. If anything, they are a tax relief for families. This is a moment of celebration and liberation for our state," State Senator Lila Ingram. "I hope more states will adopt this mentality."

When Gaffee's file was reviewed, she had checked "A" and "C" (under the FPA) stating she conceived Kody at home rather than at the beach where she originally wanted to get pregnant. "It has haunted me ever since," Gaffee wrote. "I need to move on in my life and Kody was a constant reminder of dreams not come true."

The only reason Gaffee was placed under house arrest was because she didn't file for the proper "permit of expiration" before cutting Kody's life short.

Gaffee's church and family are in mourning for Kody, but at time of this publication no action steps have been taken to ensure her 13 year old and 15 year old are protected. They seem apathetic and defeated. Supporters of the FPA are rallying behind Gaffee and Jessup who has received backlash from some for his participation even though he wasn't Kody's parent. Jessup is currently still under house arrest and awaiting trial.

A Go-Fund Me page has been set up to help Gaffee cover her expenses incurred while she was under house arrest and couldn't work. Additionally, the fundraiser will be used to cover her application costs for school. At time of publication, $2378 of the $10000 goal has been met.

Critics of the recently enacted FPA law point back to laws passed in the mid 20th century allowing abortion to begin in the United States. "It was then we began to see the decline of human value and the birth of the #MeFirst and #MeBeforeYou movement," said a local critic.

Suffering Well

No one has been promised smooth sailing in this world. It's pretty much a given that at some point we will each go through hard times. Those times can look different to each of us, but the emotions and struggles that go with the situations are the same.

I was recently reading the story of Hannah in I Samuel chapter one. It's not her whole story, but it gave me a lot of insight on how to handle suffering. In brief, Hannah lived in a time where having a child was a status symbol, a blessing really. Any woman who couldn't have children was looked down upon and thought to be cursed by God. Hannah was a woman that society loved to hate. She was married and childless. And if societal expectations weren't enough, she was bullied for years by the "other woman" in her husband's life, his second wife, Peninnah (whom he probably married because Hannah couldn't have children). After many years of painful infertility, Hannah was blessed with a child. Her child, named Samuel, later became a judge and prophet who changed the history of his nation for the good.

But first there was suffering.

If we find ourselves as Hannah did, she has given us an excellent example on how to suffer well. What is "suffering well" you ask? Suffering well is when we handle our disappointing circumstances in a way that builds our character, is done with integrity and honors the God who made us all.

What are the ways that Hannah suffered well?

1. Hannah suffered with a personal issue she was unable to change, but she remained faithful. She remained faithful to the husband who loved her. She remained faithful to her God. We read that year after year she offered sacrifices and prayed to God for her situation to change. She didn't give up. Despite her circumstances, she kept her faith and her attitude was one focused on what could happen and not what was.

2. She was bullied and took the high ground. We all have Peninnahs in our lives. Peninnahs are the people who continue to point out our flaws, who pick at us and push us when we are down. Maybe your Peninnah is a micro-managing boss on a tirade, a spouse who fails to acknowledge the work you are doing and only sees what you've missed, or a troll on social media who gets his kicks from hounding your Pinterest post about the cupcakes that looked more like blobs than the minions they should have been. Truth is, as long as there are humans there will be Peninnahs and there will be Hannahs. Hannah was bullied, wept to God and described her condition as one of "great anguish and grief." She was tired, yet we don't see her lash out at Peninnah, bad mouth her or treat Peninnah with the same treatment she received.

3. Hannah shared her condition with a close acquaintance who helped carry her burden. As humans we are made for relationship. Hannah shared her deep anguish and pain with her husband and he, in turn, suffered with her. He walked along beside her and comforted her. We're told he prayed for her and loved on her. When we suffer, we should let those who are close to us comfort us. Circumstances may not change, but we aren't alone.

Then there was good in her life.

After years of infertility, Hannah was blessed with a son. Her suffering was then part of her story. But the cool thing about Hannah was she saw the bigger picture. The story could have ended there, but it doesn't.

Hannah gave her son back to God. When he was two or three (after he was weaned), she took him to the temple where she learned she would one day become pregnant and she essentially gave her baby to the priest there and entrusted Samuel's life to God's will. As a mom I can't imagine taking either of my children and giving them to someone I barely know. But Hannah's faith was huge and through her suffering she learned that life is bigger than one person. Her suffering taught her that. Her God was bigger than her infertility and she knew her God could be trusted with her story.

Samuel later became a prophet and judge who led his people (Israel) out of a dark time in history and into a promising one. Hannah later had three more sons and two daughters, but it wasn't until after she first re-gifted what she had been given. Her gift back to God blessed a nation. Out of her suffering comes a story of hope and life.

How can we suffer well and let our stories become bigger than just us?

The Dance of Comunication

When my husband and I were talking about our wedding plans, we discussed dancing. And we discussed it again and again. You see, my husband is NOT a dancer and claims to have to left feet (I checked and he doesn’t). I on the other hand LOVE to dance. So, when we were talking about our wedding we had to compromise. Aren’t weddings a great place to practice the compromise that a marriage should have? I promised him that he’d only have to dance once with me and it would be during our first dance. But then, knowing how he felt about dancing (and not liking to be the center of attention) I took it a step further (no pun intended). I told him that during the first stanza he had to dance with me and that after that we would invite our wedding party on the floor and they would dance all around us so people wouldn’t be as focused on us anymore. He agreed to the compromise and we stuck to the terms we discussed. When the dance was over, I didn’t try and pry him back on the floor or pout that my husband only danced one song with me. Instead, I danced with our friends on the floor and he chatted with those who didn’t dance. At the end of the night, we left hand in hand with smiles on our faces (and bird seed in our hair).

Marriage is so much like a dance and communication is key to staying in step with one another. My husband and I will celebrate our five-year anniversary in July. Since our wedding day, we’ve become parents to two children. We’ve adapted our communication as our family has grown, but there are some main communication ideas that transcend any relationship.

1.     Start with respect for one another. Speak in a way that shows you respect the person with whom you are speaking and listen with the same mindset. Speak in a tone that conveys you care about how the other person feels and listen (don’t just hear) what his thoughts and opinions are on a matter.

2.     Wait for the right opportunity to have “big discussions” about important topics. Don’t throw an idea at your spouse as he is walking out the door to work or about to be away from you. Wait until the kids are in bed and you can talk face-to-face for uninterrupted time.

3.     Keep in mind that some topics take a lot of time (and many discussions) to conclude.

4.     Pick your battles. Seriously. If you are fighting over something, really examine the importance of it to you. If you realize you are arguing over something that’s less important to you than it is to your spouse then let it go. And let your spouse know WHY you are letting him “win” an argument. Make it a practice to let each other “win” as you figure out who is more passionate about the topic at hand.

5.     Before you commit yourself and your spouse to something, talk about it with that person first. Keep one calendar and talk to your spouse as you make plans. You will both feel more valued as you make each other number one when making plans.

6.     Keep your relationship baggage off social media. Seriously, can we stop this practice?? Getting a few “likes” from your girl friends as you husband-bash will only backfire on you. It’s super disrespectful to your spouse and it’s a cheap way to get attention. Just don’t do it.

7.     Lift each other up in front of each other. Compliment your husband in front of your friends. Brag on him. Go ahead and see what happens to your man’s countenance and demeanor. I promise you that you won’t be disappointed.

8.     In the same spirit, don’t tease or bash your spouse with your friends whether he is with you or not. You may say something in a moment of anger or frustration about your spouse and then later forgive him and forget about it. It’s much harder for family or friends to forgive and forget.

9.     Listen more than you speak. There’s a reason God gave us two ears and one mouth. Really listen to your spouse and try not to interrupt. That’s a hard one and one that I struggle with constantly!

10.  “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as God through Christ as forgiven you.” What a great verse and such words of wisdom. At the end of the day, let kindness, compassion and forgiveness win. If you do, then you’ll both be winners in your marriage and in other relationships.

It’s hard to go from being “numero uno” to married and having to think about the other person. The true challenge is making your spouse a priority. As you shift into that mindset you will find that it really makes the dance more fun. That and a good pair of shoes!