"The need for volunteers is great, but we don't want you."
It's not an exact quote, but it's close enough.
The calling seemed clear. Hasn't my heart been aching to help foster children in our community? The need was communicated clearly in the interest meeting I attended over eight months ago. Over 300 children alone in Guilford County need representation in court. Children are hurting. Adults are needed to step into the gap.
It seemed so obvious for me to be a voice for a vulnerable, underserved population.
I didn't just step- I leaped. I dove headfirst.
But no.
Weeks after my interview I received an email with a clear message. I was not wanted.
Devastation hit me and rejection felt like a gut punch.
"I thought you wanted me for this, Lord." My thoughts raced. "Wasn't I qualified? Wasn't I enough? Those kids. God, those children need someone. I thought you wanted me to do this."
I wept.
"It is a highly needed volunteer position and they don't want me." Clearly I missed something.
Then a thought stopped me. "That was Christ."
In our broken humanity, God saw our depravity. He saw our complete inability to remedy our eternal separation from him. His plan was and always is Christ.
Christ stepped out of heaven and into our muck of a world. A world full of brokenness, sorrow, hate, guilt and longing for more- for a savior from ourselves. He volunteered knowing the end would mean rejection. He knew all along what he would encounter at the cross and he did it anyway.
I felt called to be an advocate for a child in court. Jesus takes it a step further.
He is more than our advocate. He offers to take on the punishment we deserve. He gives us hope and life. Christ has plans for us- plans he knew before we took our first breath. He says we become a new creation in him when we choose him and place our faith in him. When we repent of our sin, our old life is passed way and we become new. We can rest in his promise that he is more than our advocate. He is our payment.
"Everyday he is still rejected. It wasn't just at the cross."
The gut punch of rejection I felt? It was checked.
Jesus volunteered and is rejected everyday by millions of people with eternity at stake. I was broken deeper for his love for us- for me. The rejection I felt compares nothing to what he feels over and over again as people choose their way over him.
There are no feelings I have, including rejection, that have not been felt by the Creator of the world. So, I hand him my rejection and find rest.
