When my husband and I were talking about our wedding plans,
we discussed dancing. And we discussed it again and again. You see, my husband
is NOT a dancer and claims to have to left feet (I checked and he doesn’t). I
on the other hand LOVE to dance. So, when we were talking about our wedding we
had to compromise. Aren’t weddings a great place to practice the compromise
that a marriage should have? I promised him that he’d only have to dance once
with me and it would be during our first dance. But then, knowing how he felt
about dancing (and not liking to be the center of attention) I took it a step
further (no pun intended). I told him that during the first stanza he had to
dance with me and that after that we would invite our wedding party on the
floor and they would dance all around us so people wouldn’t be as focused on us
anymore. He agreed to the compromise and we stuck to the terms we discussed.
When the dance was over, I didn’t try and pry him back on the floor or pout that
my husband only danced one song with me. Instead, I danced with our friends on
the floor and he chatted with those who didn’t dance. At the end of the night,
we left hand in hand with smiles on our faces (and bird seed in our hair).
Marriage is so much like a dance and communication is key to
staying in step with one another. My husband and I will celebrate our five-year
anniversary in July. Since our wedding day, we’ve become parents to two
children. We’ve adapted our communication as our family has grown, but there
are some main communication ideas that transcend any relationship.
1.
Start with respect for one another. Speak in a
way that shows you respect the person with whom you are speaking and listen
with the same mindset. Speak in a tone that conveys you care about how the
other person feels and listen (don’t just hear) what his thoughts and opinions
are on a matter.
2.
Wait for the right opportunity to have “big
discussions” about important topics. Don’t throw an idea at your spouse as he
is walking out the door to work or about to be away from you. Wait until the
kids are in bed and you can talk face-to-face for uninterrupted time.
3.
Keep in mind that some topics take a lot of time
(and many discussions) to conclude.
4.
Pick your battles. Seriously. If you are
fighting over something, really examine the importance of it to you. If you
realize you are arguing over something that’s less important to you than it is
to your spouse then let it go. And let your spouse know WHY you are letting him
“win” an argument. Make it a practice to let each other “win” as you figure out
who is more passionate about the topic at hand.
5.
Before you commit yourself and your spouse to
something, talk about it with that person first. Keep one calendar and talk to
your spouse as you make plans. You will both feel more valued as you make each
other number one when making plans.
6.
Keep your relationship baggage off social media.
Seriously, can we stop this practice?? Getting a few “likes” from your girl
friends as you husband-bash will only backfire on you. It’s super disrespectful
to your spouse and it’s a cheap way to get attention. Just don’t do it.
7.
Lift each other up in front of each other.
Compliment your husband in front of your friends. Brag on him. Go ahead and see
what happens to your man’s countenance and demeanor. I promise you that you
won’t be disappointed.
8.
In the same spirit, don’t tease or bash your
spouse with your friends whether he is with you or not. You may say something
in a moment of anger or frustration about your spouse and then later forgive
him and forget about it. It’s much harder for family or friends to forgive and
forget.
9.
Listen more than you speak. There’s a reason God
gave us two ears and one mouth. Really listen to your spouse and try not to
interrupt. That’s a hard one and one that I struggle with constantly!
10. “Be
kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as God through
Christ as forgiven you.” What a great verse and such words of wisdom. At the
end of the day, let kindness, compassion and forgiveness win. If you do, then
you’ll both be winners in your marriage and in other relationships.
It’s hard to go from being “numero uno” to married and
having to think about the other person. The true challenge is making your
spouse a priority. As you shift into that mindset you will find that it really
makes the dance more fun. That and a good pair of shoes!
