From Three to Four: A Reflection

The last entry I made on my blog was a love letter to our second child who will be arriving within the next 24 hours. The child will turn our family of three into one of four.

I've gotten pretty used to this family of three. We are in a state that is familiar. Sleep patterns, for example are familiar. I actually get sleep right now and I'm rather spoiled by how much. When we put Isaac to bed, Mike and I get some quality time together that consists of 2-3 hours depending on how late we stay up. When Mike gets up to go to work, Isaac will usually keep sleeping and I get another hour to myself to do with whatever I'd like (confession: usually this means I go back to sleep!).

Isaac had a night just last week that reminded me of the early days of his life. He'd wake, cry for me (and no, he wanted nothing to do with Mike who tried to help, but was rejected by a mommy-clinging, 19-month old boy), sleep for 10 minutes and wake again. The pattern repeated for hours and my weariness began overtake me. I couldn't help but wonder if it was God's way of reminding me what was in store in just a short time.

But besides sleep, I've grown comfortable in this role of a mom to a precious boy who (at this point in life) has eyes only for me when it comes to many moments in life. I'm enjoying this season of having time with my husband when we want it. We've both grown comfortable in our roles as parents to the point that they are natural. We've been able to shift our focus again to us.

So, as I look ahead to tomorrow, I have to tell myself to breathe deep. This is what we planned (RIGHT!?). We wanted this and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mama to another precious life that God has deemed me worthy of pouring myself into.

Before I was pregnant, I heard moms confess a fear of their hearts not being big enough to properly welcome another child. How could they love it as much as their first? How could they split their attention among more than one and be fair to both? How could they still give their husbands the attention he deserves? Until I was pregnant I didn't get their fears. Now I do. I've had the same fears and questions. The answer I've heard from those who have crossed over from a family of three to four is: "your fears are valid, but your heart just gets bigger."

So, here I am. I feel as big as a house and wonder how anything in my body will expand. Physically, I feel like my heart is already crammed halfway up my neck. Yet I know something magical will happen with the birth of our second child: my heart will get bigger.

It will probably be the moment the nurses lay that little person on my chest, but who knows? Maybe it will be when I see Mike hold our second child for the first time. Or maybe, just maybe, it won't happen until Isaac, Mike and I are all snuggled around the baby as a family. Either way, this mama is looking forward to expanding more tomorrow. As I trade baby weight for the weight of being a family of four I will embrace it. This is part of how we women are made. Our hearts keep expanding and giving and our Creator keeps applauding and singing over us as He watches us grow.

Your First Love Letter

My Precious Child,

What joy I have had this Christmas season as I have had the honor of carrying you within me. Your dad and I are looking forward to your birth and I wonder how much you will change the dynamics of our family of three. Your brother is too young to understand the complexities of your existence, but I am sure you feel him jumping all over you and hear his giggles which will soon be over you. 

I catch myself marveling even more about the love of our God as I feel you moving and twirling within me. And maybe it's the season and knowing the gift that God gave of sending His son to earth, but my pregnancy with you has been such a treasure. One of my favorite songs this time of year is called "A Strange Way to Save the World" and it speaks of how God used ordinary people to bring extraordinary into the world.

So with this in mind, I pray that you are ordinary beyond measure, but bring about the extraordinary. I pray you are brave and stand for those who can't be brave themselves. I hope you find Jesus at an early age and spend your life chasing Him. I hope your dreams and plans are always evolving as you learn more about the world around you. I pray that you have an amazing friendship with your brother and he is your best friend that compares to no other. I am even praying for your future spouse, that he or she will love Jesus too and that you will sharpen each other spiritually and grow as a couple as your relationship grows in Christ. 

On a more selfish level, I also pray you sleep as well (and as much) as your brother, enjoy car rides, travel well and "get" breast-feeding easily. These things will make my job as your mommy a little easier. 

You have so much to discover and I look forward to helping you learn. May 30th seems far away, but it is already approaching quickly. Your dad and I are looking forward to peeking into your world on Friday as we go to your 19-week ultrasound. I pray for you daily and am so blessed already to be your mama.

God has so much planned for you, sweet child, and I look forward to watching it all unfold.

I love you.

Mom

A Productive Week

The week has been full of productivity and learning!

Mike and I began the week by attending our first (of five) childbirth and baby classes. The classes are conducted by our care provider and held for two hours each Monday night. I think that Mike believes I am torturing him by making him go, but we both did learn some facts the first night. Plus, it was fun to gather with about ten other couples to talk baby shop, most of whom are first-timers like us. The class is taught by a registered nurse and covers many basics from the anatomy of a pregnant woman to postpartum care for mom and baby. This past week we spent time doing ice breakers, talking pregnancy body changes and watching a short film of a woman delivering a baby. Both Mike and I concluded that the placenta looks more like The Blob than we expected.

I attended my first prenatal yoga class this week, which was interesting. I have taken a couple yoga classes, but never a prenatal one. I believe the class will be beneficial in terms of learning breathing and relaxation techniques. Although, I'm not sure how great of a student I am. At the end of the class, each of us got into a "relaxing" position in which we were supposed to just let our minds relax and kind of "center" ourselves. We did this for about 12-15 minutes. About five minutes in I was wondering how much longer I had to lie there and if it would be weird of me to start packing up my stuff. I guess I still have much to learn!

Mike and I are still laying down hardwood floors in our house. Our project is about halfway done; the whole upstairs is complete and we began the main (and final) level this week. When it's the two of us, I help by picking out and laying down the boards while he goes behind me with the stapler or nail gun. This weekend I learned how to operate the chop saw which was pretty exciting. It was kind of intimidating, but I learned that it's actually a safer saw to use (compared to some others). This week the two of us laid down the floors in our dining room and are creeping into the living room domain with the boards now.

On Saturday, Mike shot and killed a buck with his bow for the first time. That was very exciting!! He's been bow hunting for years, but has never gotten one until this weekend. So, needless to say we celebrated with some venison filets for dinner that night! Tonight he showed me how to butcher the deer, so we've spent the majority of our evening slicing, grinding and packing venison for our freezer. It's a lot of work, but very worth it to have fresh, organic meat that's free. Sure beats spending money at the grocery store for a similar-in-quality product.

This afternoon after church we spent a couple hours in the yard, which had been seriously ignored since the beginning of our flooring project. Mike mowed the grass and trimmed the bushes. I picked up the trimmings and collected the ripe Thai chilies off our seven plants. I think there were hundreds of them. Mike dries and grinds them so we can put them in shakers for use through the year.

In terms of my pregnancy, I've competed 33 weeks and launched into week 34 two days ago. It's hard to believe that we are less than seven weeks from the ideal full term time of 40 weeks. Considering babies are called "full term" at week 38, we are almost just a month away from that. Kind of crazy!! I am beginning to feel more of the not-so-fun feelings of the third trimester. It doesn't take much for my back to be sore (just standing too long these days seems to do it) and I have given up any hope of sleeping comfortably on my back. I'm now just a side-sleeper and even then I have to change sides at least twice an hour. Poor Mike... I don't think he's sleeping as good these days either just because I'm moving so much in the night. I get short-winded pretty easily and am generally feeling like this baby is not a good sharer anymore. We are each fighting for space in my mid section and baby (as small as s/he is) seems to be winning. Dolp! Still, I'm thankful for every moment of this journey.

Pregnancy Musings

I am a blessed woman. I have had a relatively smooth pregnancy- none of the familiar woes I hear from so many other women. In my first two trimesters I experienced no morning sickness, had few smell aversions (although Tempe had some treats that were a little challenging at times) and felt "normal" physically.

Now I am officially one month deep into my third trimester. I can barely believe how fast this ride is going. It seems like just a few weeks ago when I approached Mike with positive pregnancy test in hand.

Now some pregnancy woes are showing themselves. I can confidently say that I now can locate my sciatic nerve, because it lets me know about half of a waking day (and in the bed) where it is. I've been revisited by previous injuries. That right knee is also talking to me at random times and I constantly feel like I have pulled a groin muscle. Throw in hips that are randomly shifting and I could probably whine a little longer.

However, I won't because I am reminded regularly of how blessed I am. Not everyone can experience the joys and not-so-joyful moments of growing another human. 

This morning is an example of a precious pregnancy moment. I was lying in bed before any of the day's chaos and activity began. Mike was snuggled beside me and the world seemed still. Until I realized  I wasn't the only one awake. Baby Wee was just having a good ole' time kicking, shifting and swimming. In the stillness I reveled in our shared moment. I was tempted to wake Mike for him to feel baby too, but instead just enjoyed our moment together- mommy and baby. I imagined tiny toes and fingers diving through belly fluid and pulling on a tempting umbilical cord floating in space. Baby played for about five minutes before working him/herself into a fit of hiccups. Too cute. Baby hiccups are on this whole other level of adorableness.

Anyways, all that to say that those are the moments that make the not-so-joyful moments worth it all. Now... who is going to remind me of the precious moments of pregnancy and those post-pregnancy ones to come when I am in active labor?!

Little One Updates

Dearest Little Wee,

We are over halfway there- 24 weeks! Can you believe it? Apparently I can't. Your room is proof of that. I have your gifts, new clothes, small towels and booties tucked into drawers, but by the looks of your future room, you'd think you were coming out as an adult (thankfully that's not the case!). Your room still has "guest room" written all over it, but I have some ideas in my head for it.

Your daddy felt you move for the first time this past week- on the 8th. My thoughts were "finally!!". You and I have been feeling each other move for a while, but every time I tried to get you to show off for your dad you got shy. Silly, baby.

When I go out in public and people ask me, "what are you having?" They are quick to respond to my, "we are waiting to see." An unscientific poll would suggest that you are a boy by the number of responses. "You are carrying it high- definitely a boy", "I looked just like that with my boy", one woman even commented on my butt and thighs, adding that "I carried my weight all in my butt, thighs and belly like you and it was a boy." I stopped from saying that my butt has always been this way and that I must have been carrying a boy for about 15 years. 

You are supposedly fattening up now and will be adding some more pounds to our weigh-ins. That's okay. You do your thing and I will try to not get too discouraged as we pass daddy's weight on the scale. In addition I have learned that your hair is completely white at this stage. If I were a betting woman, I would guess that it won't get much darker than blonde. Your dad and I were both blonde munchkins.

I have also read that your sense of hearing has developed. Did you like that Genius mix I played earlier of urban/hip-hop? How about that dancing we did along with it? I didn't feel any kicking as a response, so either you were cool with it or you haven't learned the appropriate way to move to those beats. Mommy will teach you the dancing part- don't worry.

That's all for now. You keep doing your thing, little one, and I will keep doing my part too. 

Love you bunches,

Mommy

18 Weeks and Counting

Today Mike and I went to our 18 week appointment for Wee Weber where the radiologist performed an anatomy scan. That's where they took us on a journey of baby's body from head to toes.

It was really precious to see Wee moving its mouth, hands and little legs. There was a healthy heartbeat of 155 times a minute. Baby was so active! I can hardly wait until I can feel it turning, flipping and dancing. It should be any day now. From what I have read 18-21 weeks is when moms can start feeling their munchkins moving.

The whole appointment took about 30 minutes and our tech was very sweet. She printed us some pictures and even did a 3D view for us which was cool. Baby was snuggled against the uterine wall with eyes closed. The hospital even gave us a cd of pictures (which I am waiting to view with Mike tonight).

We are still opting to be surprised about the gender, which wasn't too tempting to ask about since we had already decided that we are waiting. 

On Wednesday we go for a follow-up appointment where the doctor will interpret all the scans and videos taken today. In the meantime we have some fun pictures to enjoy and ga-ga over. God is good and we are excited. :)

Your First Love Letter

My Dearest Wee Weber,

You can't imagine how many hours I have already been thinking about you and praying for you. Since first learning of your presence weeks ago, I can't help but wonder who you'll be when you get older. Will you have brown eyes like your dad or do I have a chance to slip some blue/green influence into the mix? Are you going to like spicy food or will we have to tone down our Thai pepper influence in our cooking preferences? What interests will you have- cooking, reading, science, art, language, sports, travel?? Will you follow Jesus? Will you get your parents' punny sense of humor or groan each time your dad or I make a joke (dad's betting on the former, so let's hope for your sake he's right)? Will you be sensitive to others? Are you going to enjoy fishing and being outside? Who will be your first crush? 

When we saw you on the ultrasound three weeks ago and heard your heartbeat, I couldn't help but smile. You're so tiny right now and your heart is beating at an extraordinary rate. Your little arms are waving and your legs just kicking away although I can't feel anything you're doing yet. I'm sure you're enjoying all the room in there right now. Make all those flips and acrobatic feats now-  it's going to get kind of tight. It's exciting to know that you're growing so fast and readying yourself for a debut in November.

You're going to be incredibly spoiled, but we're going to try our best to keep you grounded. You're the first grand-baby on either side. Did you know that your Papa Duncan has been saving gold and half dollars to give you for years now? And your Papa Weber is already scheming on making you a rocking horse. The question he's expressed is "real versus fake horse hair?". Your grandmas both cried like babies (hey, that's you!) when they first heard the news. And to be honest, your dad and I cried too. Your aunts and uncles have already bought you presents, including bibs, booties, onesies and books. Your dad and I haven't even set foot in a baby aisle yet! Although, I'm sure that will change soon.

Although this world seems to be darkening, I know that you will provide some light. My prayer is that you will be a lover and not a fighter. That you will hear about Jesus and discover him for yourself at an early age. That you'll be someone whose heart yearns for others to be comfortable and who responds when someone else needs an encouraging word. I hope you are never bullied or become a bully. I pray that you will see the needs of the world and respond with hope, courage and joy. I hope you embrace traveling and getting outside your comfort zone. You'd be amazed at what you can learn by doing that and who will touch your spirit in ways you never imagined. Be creative, make mistakes and learn from them, find contentment in the small things and embrace who you are.

For you, my baby, are a precious gift and we can't wait to meet you.

I love you,
Mom