And Baby Makes Three: A Look at How Having a Baby Together Changes Your Relationship

I was recently spending time with an unmarried friend who is on the verge of making "THE leap" into an engagement. I hadn't seen him in a while and we were talking about how having a baby changes many aspects of life. 

He paused and asked a question of which I answered poorly. For if I had time to truly reflect, I might have answered more appropriately. Instead, when he asked, "does having a baby change your relationship?" I answered, "Absolutely! But for the good. You experience ultimate highs and lows and see the awesomeness in the person you married."

If I had the opportunity to think and expand on my answer, here's what I would say:

1. The is a no more intimate moment than that of birth that will bring you closer together emotionally.
I don't consider myself a prude, but prior to being spread eagle on a birthing table with 20+ people around (seriously, where do all those doctors and nurses come from so quickly?!), I wasn't one to jump in quickly to the "let's show the world my body" line. When imagining that moment of birth, I naively pictured a doctor, nurse and my husband in a room while a small child emerged from my well-covered body. No one tells you that half the hospital is present when a baby comes into the world and there is no longer such a thing as privacy. Still, in that moment, no one also tells you that all that fades. In that moment, as my baby was placed on me, there was no one else I saw except for Mike. My dear, sweet husband, with tears in his eyes, was the only other person in the room (besides our new baby). My partner and soul mate for life, this man and I had just created something so special and sealed our love even more.

2. It's the "embarrassing" moments that help seal the relationship.
In the week after having a baby, a couple experiences SO many new things. For me, I kept pausing and reflecting on moments that I couldn't imagine having or wanting to experience with ANYONE else but my partner. For example, donning those ice packs and gauze-stuffed underwear that make granny panties look sexy. Dead sexy even. About 80% of the time I emerged from the bathroom after re-stuffing and situating the fluff in my hospital underwear I couldn't help but think, "I am so glad only Mike is here" and feeling no shame in front of him as I waddled back to my bed.

3. Small actions will make you fall in love with your spouse all over again.
Mike was so supportive and took the best care of both Isaac and me when we came home. In the weeks directly after having a newborn, one experiences sleep deprivation like no other level. Sure, people warn you about it, but until you're walking in that moment (probably sleep walking), you can't truly imagine it. Several times when I felt like I had surpassed walking zombie status, Mike looked at me and said, "go take a nap." When your husband tells you this, there is no questioning and only doing. Partly because the synapses aren't firing correctly to even cognitively form the question of "are you sure?" There were several times I would wake from a two to three hour uninterrupted nap and fall madly in love with my husband all over again as I looked at him holding our baby.

4. The "worse" in your "for better or worse" vows totally applies to your spouse's reactions to your physical and emotional adjustments post-baby.
Many moments come to mind immediately here, but I'll share one. About two weeks after beginning to breastfeed, I hit an emotional and physical wall. I'd read and heard that breastfeeding could be hard, but didn't quite realize the toll it takes on the body (and I was even blessed with a baby that knew how to latch well immediately)! One evening, when my nipples' pain could be only compared to lighting and holding a match to them, I crawled into bed topless (no material was coming near those nips!) and was on the verge of tears. Mike, seeing my pain, just hugged me gently around my waist. He simply whispered, "thank you" and I knew then I could make it a little bit longer.

5. You become a team like you never thought possible.
People become closer from shared experiences. Add intimacy, embarrassment, utter joy, lack of sleep and learning new skills to those experiences and the result is an even tighter bond. Plus, that bond becomes a well-oiled machine. Whether it's juggling baby and dinner making (Mike is an amazing cook!) or figuring out how one person can get sleep while the other calms the baby, there is no better way to strengthen your team.

6. You learn or re-learn what your partner prioritizes and you let him/her lean into those priorities.
Prior to Isaac, Mike knew I liked to nap; post Isaac and he learned that I actually used naps to function. Prior to Isaac, I knew Mike liked "alone time"; post Isaac, I realized he needs that time to re-energize and have an outlet for stress. I believe that if your relationship is healthy and time allows it, then you should let your partner lean into those desires. When one's basic desires are met and priorities managed, then it makes for a happier, more-fulfilled person.

7. You learn to communicate even better.
Mike and I communicate well with each other. We listen to one another, let our opinions be fairly heard and respect what the other thinks. Having a baby makes you have to communicate better. Who would have thought there would be conversations about which bottle in the fridge should be used first or why there is an importance to completely wrapping up a soiled diaper before throwing it into the pail? Small, important details begin to emerge and handling them with communication is so key. Otherwise, one finds herself fuming for the tenth time at a poopy diaper lying open in the top of a pail. Doesn't he KNOW that not wrapping it makes it smell worse? Well, apparently not until you communicate that. Last I checked, we humans couldn't read each others' minds...thankfully!

Had one told unmarried me these thoughts I might have shrugged them off or heard them and kept trucking through life. It wouldn't be until I truly had the experience of becoming a co-parent with my soul mate that they would register with new meaning. Of course, that's how life is, isn't it? Thank God for my spouse, for the baby who has allowed us to live on a new level and for the grace allowed by each of us as we navigate these new roles.

A Fun-Filled Week

This past week we celebrated my dad's 62nd birthday! Isaac wore his tux and a group of us went out to eat Mexican food. The meal ended with quite a surprise as we got up to leave. You see, we thought that my aunt had paid the tab on her way out the door (as she left early to go set up dad's cake/ice cream party), but in her haste to leave she'd forgotten to pay the bill. My grandmother thought she'd paid and told all of us at the party that the bill had been taken care of already.

So, we all got up from the table, dressed in our coats and hats, said good-bye to our server and other staff and left the restaurant. To our surprise, one of the staff (a manager perhaps) ran after us in the parking lot. We had not paid the bill, he claimed.

But we had... so we thought. After a few minutes of confusion (imagine much broken English) from both parties (ours and the restaurant staff) we determined that the bill hadn't been paid as we had thought. Oops. So, that happened... my dad's 62nd birthday dinner almost landed us in jail. ;) We all had a good laugh about it though and decided it made the birthday even more memorable!

After the dinner, we went back to my aunt's house where she'd done an awesome job of setting up the cake and ice cream.

This week we've seen some snow showers and tomorrow I'm hoping that Mike and I can take Isaac outside in his snow gear and pose him in some powder! Hopefully, I'll have some pictures to post about that.

Today was enjoyable as I caught up with a long-time friend who recently moved back into the area with her two young boys. One of them is only a month younger than Isaac, so she and I are looking forward to hanging out more and letting our boys play together. We tried to get them to notice each other today, but Isaac was too distracted by, well, everything and her baby is also too young to notice another baby. Maybe in another few months they'll be ready to play (or at least acknowledge each other!). I hate I didn't get pictures, but the snow distracted me. Isaac and I had to leave before I thought to take some. Guess those will have to come as well!

Isaac turned three months old today. I can hardly believe it. It's been fun to watch him grow this month and change in exciting ways: he's started to sleep in his crib/nursery, is reacting to and giggling at us, is splashing and kicking the water at bath time, is trying to hold his bottle (he still needs help), is intentionally grabbing for items and just making us fall more in love with him every day. Here are some pictures from the past few days of him:

He intentionally grabbed and successfully pulled off one of his car seat toys.

Isaac & His Bubbles

I love this little motor mouth. He has so much to say! The other day I captured this video and noticed that when he was talking, he just kept making bubbles. It reminded me of the a little bubble maker I had when I was smaller in which soap would go and I would blow into it causing bubbles to spew up and out in long trains. Isaac didn't necessarily make any trains with his bubbles, but he did have quite a few to show me...

Breakthroughs!

It has been a fun month with Isaac. He really is starting to interact with us and it's so exciting to watch him figuring out the world. Faces and colors are so exciting to him and it's been a joy for  Mike and me to see him recognize us and talk to us. Speaking of talking, boy do we have a talker! I can't wait to see how it will translate when he gets a bit older.

This month he has discovered his hands- oh, the wonder! I have caught him many times holding up his hand as if to show me and say, "look at this, mom! Isn't it awesome??!"

Isaac is now giggling when we prompt him. Just two days ago, Mike tried tickling him to see if he would react and Isaac erupted in laughter. His laugh is so cute- one where he gets so excited that he pulls in his breath and opens his mouth like a bird while popping his eyes wide with merriment. Half the time the giggles bounce out and the other half he just pulls the air in as if overcome with excitement. We never know which giggle will flow forth from him!

He is really enjoying his baths now. There was a time I couldn't tell, but he smiles, giggles and loves it when the water is splashed onto him. 

His grabbing and reaching is now intentional (guess it helps to discover those hands are attached). About half of the time he can actually make contact with what he is aiming to get. The fun is just beginning when it comes to toys, noses and mom's glasses!

In addition to him consistently sleeping through the night (thank the Lord!), just last night he moved into his nursery to sleep in his crib. I think it was harder on me than him! He slept like a champ and even went the longest without waking to eat than he had ever gone. I guess the crib and Isaac are friends.

I can hardly believe how he has changed in just one month! It truly is such a joy watching him grow. It's like rediscovering life all over again.

Chatty Isaac

Just trying to figure out video posting. Let's see how this works... :)

What's in a Name?

Naming one's baby is a big deal and it's a detail that's often glossed over in the hustling of baby preparation. When we were discussing names before John Isaac was born, I poured over blogs and thought back through my life of everyone who had made an impact on it, for better or worse.

There were some names that were eliminated from each of us right away for various reasons: names of people who had hurt us, names of those who carry negative recognition from everyone (Hitler, anyone?) and trendier names in Hollywood that seem more like places and objects than people (North, Apple, etc.).

Mike and I knew from the beginning that there was one name we'd definitely use: John. This name is one that spans generations on both sides of our family. Mike is a John. His first name is John, but he goes by his middle name, Michael. Both of our fathers are Johns and both of their fathers were Johns. AND both of their fathers were Johns. So, you see, we almost had to go with John. We had four generations counting on us!

The second name was a bit tougher for us. It wasn't until I was 18 weeks pregnant that the name began to emerge.

Mike and I went for John Isaac's 18-week anatomy scan. It was an exciting time and was the first time we had a more detailed glimpse of the hidden wonder developing inside of me. At the anatomy scan, the technician takes still pictures and measurements of all the major organs, the head and belly, and looks to make sure all hands, feet, fingers and toes are accounted for. After the pictures are taken, they are given to a doctor who translates the scans and interprets the results. The second step takes usually two to three days after the initial scan is done.

Mike and I had such a blast at the anatomy scan. It was amazing to see our precious baby moving around and to hear (and see) his heart beating. He looked beautiful and it didn't take expert eyes to see that.

A few days later we went to the doctor to have the results of the scan given to us. Our obstetrician told us that his measurements were right on track. His head and belly were measuring as they should. My measurements were equally on track and a healthy amount of amniotic fluid was in place. Awesome!! Then the doctor dropped some other news. There was a concern. The baby had 2-3 CPCs (choroid plexus cysts) in his brain.

Uh, what?? Time seemed to stand still as she explained the nature of the findings. CPCs, she said, could be benign and would likely disappear OR they could be indicators for other chromosome abnormalities. Of which the likeliness of our baby surviving outside the womb were in the 1-3% and IF it survived it wouldn't live but for a few days.

Uhhh...what???? The best course of action, she suggested, was to have a genetic test done. The test would help to rule out the chromosome abnormalities and give us peace of mind.

Early in our pregnancy journey, Mike and I had decided that I wouldn't get a genetic test. It seemed like an added expense when we knew that regardless of its results we would still carry our baby to term. We believe that every baby is a gift from God and we knew that if we had the test done and it concluded our baby had "issues" we would still want to carry it.

So, here we were at 18 weeks and being faced with the question again: did we want a genetic test done? This time the question was framed for us differently. If we had the test done and it came back with a high likeliness of our baby having a chromosome issue then it would alter how the baby may be delivered. For that reason, we decided to have the test done.

The test was easy enough- just a few blood samples were taken. The wait was the hard part. Ten days.

Ten days of wondering, questioning and pouring out prayers. Prayers filled with petitions for our baby and for us.

It was on the first or second night that the name Isaac emerged. In a state of prayer, I recalled the story of Abraham and Isaac in the Bible. It's a story that had stuck with me, but now that I was a parent, carrying a precious and innocent baby, the story was that much harder for me to read. I read over the verses and sobbed as I thought of Abraham climbing the mountain and facing what God had asked of him while he kept looking over at his sweet son. Did he see his son differently than any moment before then? Did Abraham notice the sparkle in Isaac's eye or hear his laugh like never before? Or perhaps he was remembering other moments in Isaac's life: his birth, his first giggle and his tenuous first steps.

Although our circumstance was not the exact same as Abraham's, it felt like Mike and I had been asked of God to trust Him. Give up our child and let Him have it. It felt like we were being asked to give up our Isaac.

So we did. The morning after my epiphany and time with God, I told Mike about it. I reminded him of Abraham's plight and the parallels I had drawn in our own waiting. From then on, it seemed that we prayed differently because the situation had been re-framed. God had us (all three of us) in His hands and He wanted to show us what he could do. He wanted us to trust Him. And we did.

Ten days later the results of the test were in: our child did NOT have the chromosome abnormalities that are often times associated with CPCs. He likely would have no permanent issues from the CPCs they had seen on the scan.

Mike and I were relieved and thankful. Our ram had been delivered. We would not have to sacrifice our Isaac; God had other plans.

After that, there was no better name than Isaac for our dear son. It would be a reminder of God's faithfulness and just a small way to thank Him for it.

So, there we go. Our sweet John Isaac has been given his name. Now comes the fun part: seeing what he does with it.

A Pampers Christmas Story

A true Christmas story that I shared with Pampers. The email I sent is pasted below:

As new parents to a two month old boy, my husband and I have been avid users of Pampers since we were first introduced to them in the hospital. We love the quality of your product! Recently, we had an incident that confirmed just how consistent that quality is.

We were visiting my husband's family on Christmas. It was the last stop after a long day of traveling. We had just arrived after being four hours in the car. I picked up my son, Isaac, and his diaper bag so I could change him. When I looked in the bag, there were no more Pampers- we had failed to restock the bag!! Normally, this would be no big deal. We'd just hop in the car and ride down to the store to get more, but this was Christmas. NO stores were open.

My brain began to race. What would MacGyver do? I began to think... washcloths, duct tape, safety pins... Thankfully my dear mother-in-law was standing right there and knew what to do.

"I have some of Michael's (my husband) old Pampers. Could you use them?" she asked. For a second I thought she was kidding. My husband is 33 years old. Who keeps diapers that long? I could tell from her face that she was serious and using 33-year-old Pampers seemed like a much better idea than duct tape.

I followed her to her room where she pulled a box from her closet. It was a "memory box" of sorts that contained old photos of my husband, his toys and Pampers! In the box were five unused Pampers.

We grabbed one of the diapers and took it to my husband. If Isaac was going to wear his 33-year-old diapers, I thought there would be no better photo on Christmas than one of my husband changing his son into my hubby's old diapers! (note: there were other "better" photos that day, but this was definitely one that made the list)

To my surprise, the diaper itself was in great shape. The adhesive was still sticky after all that time! Isaac wore that diaper and one more before we left later that night to head home (where our supply of 2013 diapers were).

I learned two lessons that day: 1) Pampers made and still makes a high quality diaper. 2) It's not such a bad idea to keep diapers in that memory box I am making for Isaac.

Thanks, Pampers, for caring about babies old and new throughout the years! You have some true believers when it comes to my family.

Michael taking off Isaac's 2013 diaper.

Putting on the diaper from 1980/81

The wise mother-in-law and Isaac!

Are there Pampers in the stocking??

If only Pampers cost $1!