The colors all swirl together through teary eyes

My mother called me earlier. I knew she was at Duke Hospital and that she'd be calling with my grandpa's test results.

She left me with these words last night. "Pray for God's will." I think she felt it in her guts... something was wrong and he might not be okay. It's hard sometimes to pray for His will; to get past the human nature to hold on to one's own desires. His will be done.

She called when I had just gotten home and told me the news. It's unlike other cancers because of its location. He has a few months left, but there won't be pain because it's in his blood.

Not the physical kind.

I've broken down a few times tonight. Mal and I have cried together. For Papa, for grandma, for love and memories. For little time left. How precious it is, isn't it?

I saw the sun's rays piercing through the clouds earlier. Shooting down to a beautiful earth and towards upstreched limbs. The clouds were no match for the heavenly glow. How many more earthly sunsets will he have? Wow, I wonder how ours' compare to what is in store.

I'm so sad. I can hear his voice. His smell is still fresh in my mind's eye from the weekend. I see his laugh, starting from his parting lips, with that toothy (contagious) grin, and shaking down to his Santa Claus belly.
He's a man to be admired and of whom I am so proud.

Please pray for my family. My grandma especially. As she told my sister, "he's my best friend and my love... I'm trying to be brave..." She couldn't finish. And my sister couldn't either. Good byes were whispered and phones were closed.

Words weren't needed or conceivable. And sometimes that's how it has to end.